A friend of mine messaged me today. He actually once used to be a really close friend of mine. You know, he was just asking how I’ve been and how we haven’t talked for a while. He copy and pasted something from his email that he once sent me in February 2006. I barely recall what we were even talking about to be honest.
At the of his messaged, he wrote “lol, funny how things change as we grow up.”
My question is, is it? Is it funny, or is it really just a whole different kind of sad? Maybe ironic comes closest to funny, but it’s still not quite it.
It just takes me back to the whole notion of friends and what they say about only ever taking a handful if the people you know with you to the grave. To be honest, of the handful of people I wished to take with me to the end, I can’t think of anyone with whom relationships still remain intact enough to ever make it that far.
People change. But that’s just the start of it all. We all have different paths in life and sooner or later break off into our own ways. I’m in touch with a lot of people, yet at the same time, I’m not in touch with any of them.
I’m partially insensitive to this whole sentiment. It barely leaves a scratch on my surface. Not that it doesn’t matter to me, because it does, but I’ve just been conditioned otherwise than to wholly believe what people say they feel. I think, a lot of the time, I can speak better on behalf of what people actually feel opposed to what they say (or think) they feel.
People leave. And then, gradually, I started leaving people. Not because they’re not good enough, no. But more so because I’m convinced that the best I could possibly ever give to anyone is a shit load of disappointment.
I don’t know if things will ever be the same. They probably won’t. Because I’m not the same outgoing person who’s willing to go out on a limb for people. I just don’t have it in me. I figured I’d have to start living my own life at some point, so I did.
Now I’m just as cold as they never imagined I could be.
Maybe it is a little funny.